Pricks

My fingers are shaking. The glucose monitor flashes the error message: E-4. What does it mean? I grab another alcohol pad and wipe his finger, so I can get another reading. Ben looks at me. His blue eyes are wide and knowing: “Relax, Mrs. Hilary,” he says. He told me what I needed to hear. I felt so frustrated, so stressed…so weak.

I will admit it. I don’t like feeling weak. I am the person who wakes up every morning armed with a to-do list of things that I must accomplish in order to feel more in control of the crazy.

But I’m not in control, and I hate that. Ben is one of three kids I take care of. He found out that he had Type 1 Diabetes before Christmas. He is handling it way better than I am.

Recently, I have been learning about glucose testing, carbohydrate counting and injecting an insulin pen.  I have learned that you have to squeeze real tight on a fingertip to get a good blood drop, then wipe it, drop it and squeeze again.  I have learned there are a lot of carbohydrates in a banana (more than I cared to know were in there), and I have learned that if you prick yourself by accident with an insulin needle that you will be okay. True story…

The work week before New Year’s Day was tough. And I now face a new year with more pricks than I care to think about.

But Ben’s words brought me down to the ground where I should be.  And I have found myself meditating on a verse that has been both comforting and convicting, 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”